I have found, over the past decade, that I don't know what I am doing with my life. I had a pretty strong plan right up until I graduated university. Although, in those last few months of school, I have to admit, the plan began to diminish. By the time I graduated, I was confused; and seven years later, I am convinced that there was no plan in the first place, that it was all a figment of my imagination. I sat there on that last day of school, holding a diploma for a field I was not interested in. Hmm. I started working at the first place that offered to pay me (not even in my field). Eventually, I found a job in my field, and, like I suspected on graduation day, I did not like it. Oops. I quit, and spent the next year playing around with my hobbies. But, soon found out that hobbies should be left where they belong, on hobby time. I do not like doing my hobbies full time, under pressure. I really don't. I find them amazing only if done intermittently. I want amazing all the time so I continued to try other things out, and finally arrived a the following crazy/sad conclusion:
I want to exist in movies. I don't mean that I want to be an actor, I mean I want to live in the movies. I want to go off chasing aliens throughout the unknown universe, save galaxies, have super powers, and punch bad guys in the face. I doubt, anything short of this, will be good enough. For this, I blame Star Wars, and all following amazing Sci-Fi Action Adventure movies that showed me the awesomeness of an imaginary life.
Now, what? Now, I realize that reality is a big waste of time; boring, stressful, boring again. Fantasy, is where it's at. Even if your fantasy is to be living the life of someone else on Earth, or that you lived in the 1800's. No boundaries. Whatever your crazy brain wants.
So where does that leave me? Same place, except that I know what I want, and I don't believe there is a way for me to get it. And let me be very clear. I do not want a job at NASA so that I get to crunch numbers to see if some radio signal that the deep space telescope picked up has a pattern that might possibly maybe be a sign of intelligent life. I don't want to re-design the space shuttle to make is more efficient. I don't want to do complicated mathematical problems to see if there is an Earth sized planet orbiting some gigator star two galaxies over. Boring. I want to go directly to the alien chases, galaxy adventures, and super powers.
I guess the best I can hope for is choose-your-own-adventure virtual movies. :'(
In the mean time, I'll stick to designing websites/programming (my current venture) and my hobbies.
