Wednesday, June 9, 2010
I Do Not Assume; It's Just Statistics.
Not all BMW drivers are uneducated pricks on the road. I know this statement seems to go against everything I have written so far, but it is true. The misunderstanding occurs because I only really write about the pricks; and I only write about the pricks because all uneducated pricks happen to be attracted to buying expensive cars, making the odds of seeing a "reasonable" BMW driver one-in-a-million. I am not that lucky. So, an apology to all those one-in-a-million-"reasonable"-BMW drivers; you are better off spending your money on a Tesla anyway.
Monday, March 22, 2010
I Have Developed A Twitching Eye Over The Past Few Months
I think that the biggest contributors to this physical response to my hate for all things stupid, are BMW drivers. Out of everyone on the road, they are the most creative with breaking traffic laws.
I was teaching a new student today. We were driving up to a four-way stop only to find a BMW parked diagonally in the middle of the intersection. Parked: the driver had secured the vehicle, shut down the engine, and left it. Just like you would in a parking stall, except with out the parking stall. My initial thinking was that there must be an emergency near by that the driver is attending to, so I started looking around to see if anyone needed help. A few feet to the left of the abandoned BMW, I noticed a cab stopped half way through a turn. My next thought was that perhaps the two vehicles had just been in a collision. However, as we drove closer to the intersection I could see that neither car looked damaged. I continued examining the site. About 10 loooooong seconds later, the cab started to drive away, revealing the BMW driver happily moving towards her parked SUV. It turned out that the BMW genius decided that she needed directions. So she parked her car in the middle of the intersection, diagonally (god forbid anyone get by her vehicle in such a dire circumstance), and hailed down a cab (aka human GPS) to assist her. With her mission complete, she jumped back into her meant-to-be-off-road-vehicle-that-will-never-see-anything-but-pavement, started it up, and, since it was not pointing in the direction she required it to, turned it around. Immediately. A 7-point turn in the middle of the intersection later, she was on her way.
The twitch doubled in strength.
I was teaching a new student today. We were driving up to a four-way stop only to find a BMW parked diagonally in the middle of the intersection. Parked: the driver had secured the vehicle, shut down the engine, and left it. Just like you would in a parking stall, except with out the parking stall. My initial thinking was that there must be an emergency near by that the driver is attending to, so I started looking around to see if anyone needed help. A few feet to the left of the abandoned BMW, I noticed a cab stopped half way through a turn. My next thought was that perhaps the two vehicles had just been in a collision. However, as we drove closer to the intersection I could see that neither car looked damaged. I continued examining the site. About 10 loooooong seconds later, the cab started to drive away, revealing the BMW driver happily moving towards her parked SUV. It turned out that the BMW genius decided that she needed directions. So she parked her car in the middle of the intersection, diagonally (god forbid anyone get by her vehicle in such a dire circumstance), and hailed down a cab (aka human GPS) to assist her. With her mission complete, she jumped back into her meant-to-be-off-road-vehicle-that-will-never-see-anything-but-pavement, started it up, and, since it was not pointing in the direction she required it to, turned it around. Immediately. A 7-point turn in the middle of the intersection later, she was on her way.
The twitch doubled in strength.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Work Meetings: A Waste of Life
They truly are. I do not think there are may people out there that will disagree with the title of this blog. Frequently, we are called into meetings in order to go over things that are deemed "important" by someone who deems themselves "important" and our time, not.
At the company I work for there is a general meeting once every 3 months and, as you will soon see, this meeting can very easily be avoided. Last time we met, we spent half of our two hour meeting listening to one of our mini-bosses read a public web page to us. We all had seen this web page many times before, at the company's request, and most of us happen to be literate. The next 45 minutes were spent on our mini-boss answering questions that had just been answered in the hour long reading - a good chunk of time in these meetings is wasted on the illiterates-in-denial, who are apparently deaf as well. Only the last 15 minutes were spent on new material, such as how the company is doing. In summary, 2 hours were spent on what could have taken 15 minutes to go over, and the information discussed over the last 15 minutes could have been sent via email. Precious minutes I will never get back.
Under scrutiny my meetings seem like a big waste of time, however they do only happen once every 3 months. That's not too bad if you think of it. My sister, on the other hand, sits in conference-call meetings almost all of her day, everyday; and since she frequently works from her home, I have from time to time, while visiting her, sat in those meetings out of morbid curiosity. Let me tell you, most of them could have been condensed; probably into one sentence emails. Unfortunately for her, she too has to deal with illiterates-in-denial, and, since most of them seem to be deaf as well, on top of her 40+ weekly phone meetings she still has to go into the office a couple of times a week to explain things with hand gestures and diagrams. Absolutely amazing. Imagine if everyone learned to read, all meetings were turned into condensed emails, and we all used the saved time for vacations. For me it would not make too much of a difference, but for people like my sister it would add a few of months of vacation time per year.
One can dream.
At the company I work for there is a general meeting once every 3 months and, as you will soon see, this meeting can very easily be avoided. Last time we met, we spent half of our two hour meeting listening to one of our mini-bosses read a public web page to us. We all had seen this web page many times before, at the company's request, and most of us happen to be literate. The next 45 minutes were spent on our mini-boss answering questions that had just been answered in the hour long reading - a good chunk of time in these meetings is wasted on the illiterates-in-denial, who are apparently deaf as well. Only the last 15 minutes were spent on new material, such as how the company is doing. In summary, 2 hours were spent on what could have taken 15 minutes to go over, and the information discussed over the last 15 minutes could have been sent via email. Precious minutes I will never get back.
Under scrutiny my meetings seem like a big waste of time, however they do only happen once every 3 months. That's not too bad if you think of it. My sister, on the other hand, sits in conference-call meetings almost all of her day, everyday; and since she frequently works from her home, I have from time to time, while visiting her, sat in those meetings out of morbid curiosity. Let me tell you, most of them could have been condensed; probably into one sentence emails. Unfortunately for her, she too has to deal with illiterates-in-denial, and, since most of them seem to be deaf as well, on top of her 40+ weekly phone meetings she still has to go into the office a couple of times a week to explain things with hand gestures and diagrams. Absolutely amazing. Imagine if everyone learned to read, all meetings were turned into condensed emails, and we all used the saved time for vacations. For me it would not make too much of a difference, but for people like my sister it would add a few of months of vacation time per year.
One can dream.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
White Socks: Why Do You Upset Me?
Ever since I could remember, I have had an aversion to white socks. I am not sure why, but I feel like they never match. The only time I do not get bothered by them is when they are worn with an entirely white outfit; if, however, there is any colour or shade in an ensemble, I am against them. Similar to red cars; I do not approve of their existence.
I had to put it out there. White socks upset me.
I had to put it out there. White socks upset me.
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